Yesterday I had a great day. I was so happy and excited. The reason was this thing that would make me so miserable just two years ago. I’ve spend the whole day thinking about how life is made of perspective and how the same things can bring different feelings.
I had appointment with Gabi in her new school. It is school for special needs children. When we got inside, the school was full of children with various needs. Mobility impaired, intellectually impaired, both of that, etc. Also, in the hallway you can see all kind of equipment, like wheelchairs, walkers, stander, bicycles, special chairs, and so on. I found this image beautiful. Gabi was so happy and excited and I was so happy and excited because of her. She is going to school. What a wonderful thing.
After we came back from school, I’ve remembered myself just two years ago. At that time, Gabi was healthy child with “just” epilepsy that was hard to control, but she was beautiful, healthy and normal little girl. I loved the way she talked and think, the way she played and learned. After the meeting with our doctor, because of the antiepileptic meds that weren’t helping, I went home crying. I was miserable, hysteric, I’ve felt like world was spinning and I couldn’t breath. The reason was because doctor said that seizures are persistent and that they will maybe affect her thinking and learning in the future and that she will maybe have problems in school because of that and that I should consider maybe ask for more individual program for her when the school time comes. I was devastated. I felt ashamed, I felt like I was the worst mom in the world. Just think about my daughter and her being anything different that “usual” or “normal” child was something I couldn’t deal with.
When I remember that feeling, I am not sure should I laugh or cry. I would definitely give everything I have that someone tells me that now.
But now I know what diagnosis she has and what to expect. I know that she wouldn’t survive past teens and that we are so lucky that she is still in condition that she will actually go to school. That I have opportunity to see my daughter get into the school bus and go to school. I am so happy because of that now and I was so miserable back then.
Life is definitely about perspective. Same things have different feeling, different taste. We humans are so more adaptive than we think we are. We are survivors. Us moms, we are the warriors. It is in every one of us from the moment we have our children. We can survive enormous pain and be happy when we win little battles. We can change the perspective and live with hope and strength when everything around us is falling apart.
So, cheers for Gabi’s school. We are happy.